Yes, this again...
I've been having more and more conflicting thoughts about my use of the "demisexual" label and identity. Not that I've really actively "come out" much in real life - but mostly in the sense of an internal conflict.
Should I use it, or not?
Is it really something particularly unique, or not?
Isn't everyone's sexuality unique anyway?
etc
The last point there is what really gets me thinking sometimes. "Sexual" people on AVEN mention this a lot too - that even among highly sexual people, what attracts people to each other (and what they're "into" sexually) can vary so widely that it can be just as much of a compatibility issue as being somewhere in the grey-asexual/demisexual area.
The core of my problem is basically this though: not experiencing primary sexual attraction is a fairly big clash with stereotypical male heterosexual culture. It's just assumed that straight guys go crazy for random "hot chicks", enjoy the likes of strip clubs, are excited by women "showing lots of skin" in public, that sexual imagery in advertising works on us, that all of us are potential sex industry consumers if it wasn't for moral qualms about it, etc etc etc. When you don't experience the fundamental drive behind any of that at all, it's really a bit like being a whole other "kind". Not really a "normal" heterosexual male at all. And at the moment, about the only way to present yourself as not appreciating these things is via some kind of ethical or moral concerns about it - which of course are a completely separate issue. When you're "demisexual", it doesn't even get to the point of having to consider that, because you're not even seeing anything sexually alluring in that stuff in the first place.
I guess I just find the intellectual dishonesty of the above frustrating. And I don't like being put in that position where a whole heap of cultural baggage is assigned to me because I'm a "straight male", when I'm effectively nothing like what appears to be a far more typical way to tick.
Of course, I could drop all labels and explain my sexuality as an individual thing to people who need to know on a case by case basis - and just ignore the issue of being wrongfully assigned stereotypical heterosexual male cultural baggage. But on the other hand, it's nice to have the concept captured in a single word, both for personal purposes and for that social identity.
Ack. Stalemate.
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