Pages

Monday, January 20, 2014

Relationship Anarchy Revisited Again

It's been a while since I've blogged about this topic - which is a bit odd perhaps - considering that I've actually been involved in my first RA-based relationship in real life for the past few months! It started in October 2013 with a woman I met on OkCupid (let's call her "T"), and has been going awesomely well from day one and ever since!

I suppose the reason why I've had nothing particular to say is exactly this - the fact that it's been going very well! Theory and practice coming together in such a seamless way that there's been nothing much to say except - "Yes! This is working great! Just as expected based on theoretical RA precepts, and experience with Internet-based long distance relationships."


This relationship is totally stress-free and drama-free, and I think the main reason for that is that there are no expectations of it being anything "more" than it actually is. I'm convinced that this is where almost all relationship drama ultimately comes from - people having mismatched expectations of some sort - and then hanging obligations and demands on each other which are aimed at fulfilling those expectations. But when you keep these to a minimum and just go with the flow of what's actually working well between the two of you - it works well with minimal "work".

That said, it certainly helps that both T and myself are extremely independent people. Neither of us is keen on typical relationship "progression", in traditional relationship escalator type terms. Or finding a traditional "life partner" and "settling down".

Oddly enough, certain details of what's been happening lately actually mimic some of that relationship progression behaviour (eg. Staying over and cooking together, having our first weekend away together last weekend, etc) - but there's still no stress. And again, it all comes down to having no particular expectations. These things don't "mean" anything that measures up against some external notion of where the relationship is "going". It just is what it is. Everything is measured relative only to itself.


You can probably see now why I've had nothing particular to say about all this ever since it started. It's just been exactly what it's been, and it's been great! I suppose the only generalised lesson is that Relationship Anarchy WORKS! And it works very well.

No comments:

Post a Comment