True Sources of Happiness

I went to a Kadampa Buddhist talk and meditation session on Friday. For the most part it was an introductory session for people who are new to meditation and Buddhism, but one particular detail stuck out quite memorably - the idea of "true sources of happiness".

As defined by the nun (paraphrased from memory):

"A true source of happiness is something that always leads to happiness, and cannot possibly cause pain or suffering."

The example she gave was having dinner at your favourite restaurant with your favourite person, say your partner: At first glance, that event (in and of itself) seems like a source of happiness. But then, what if the flow of conversation drifts into some topic which leads to an argument? Your entire evening now turns into one long uncomfortable passive-aggressive silence. A source of suffering, no longer a source of happiness. So what this means is that the event of "going out to dinner to your favourite restaurant" isn't actually the source of happiness in itself, but rather the mental state that you expect from the event is. And if the mental state shifts for whatever reason, the happiness is shattered, and can even be replaced by downright awkwardness and suffering.

So what all this means is that the only true source of happiness lies in cultivating states of mind which aren't dependent on external circumstances. If you can maintain a happy state of mind despite external shifts in circumstances, you can remain happy. On the flipside, no amount of seemingly "good" external circumstances can guarantee happiness - though of course it's certainly better to have a certain basic level of security and physical well-being than not.

It's amazing how simple and true this is, and yet how difficult it can be to truly grasp. It's so easy to think - "If only I could accomplish XYZ, life will feel good and complete!". And this mostly comes in the form of some kind of worldly material goals, or accumulation of more and more Stuff.

The talk finished with the nun suggesting that the biggest New Years Resolution for 2013 (for everyone present) should be simply this: to learn to cultivate states of mind which will be causes of happiness despite external circumstances. Makes a lot of sense to me, but I know enough now to understand that this is an ongoing process, and not something that will ever be "complete".